First things first.

My two year relationship has been over for week today. To be honest, I can't find the words to write it all down, but I will say this: It was for the best and we're going to stay friends. I am fully aware that is a sentence uttered by countless people during breakups but I know it's the truth with me and him. I can say this because we say eachother yesterday and it was the same as out old relationhip, albeit missing the 'boyfriend-girlfriend' factor.
Except every now and then he'd touch my arm or rub my shoulder like he'd forgotten we weren't together anymore. I didn't mind.

Such a lot has happened since I last wrote but I don't want to put it down here. Christmas was Christmas. I got far too much as usual.

New Year was...forced. If I'd been given the option I would have locked myself in my room and screamed until it was all over. I hate the idea of getting dressed up in a tarty outfit to go to some shitty party in a shitty pub where you drink too much and let yourself get chatted up by shitty people and throw yourself about to shitty music and pretend to be happy even though you've had a shitty year filled with pain and misery and celebrate the start of a fresh shitty year.

Roll on 2008! The Cynical is officially here, fuelled by break up petrol and tiredness.

What much else can I say? The older you are, the less special everything is.
I fear I may be turning into a recluse, especially given my night time behaviour. I'm tired but actively avoid sleep; staying up til 2AM, squirrled away in my room watching foreign films and writing or sketching, whatever takes my fancy I guess. I won't sleep until I know I can't stay awake any longer.

I'm becoming increasingly frustrated with the company of humans. I want to be on my own in a cottage somewhere by the sea where I can seek solace in my books; absorbing stories of cokney show business twins (Wise Children), Oepipus and Freud (Where Three Roads Meet) and perverts with stupid names (Lolita). They're soaked in my skin and I live and breath them all day and all night. When I see someone I want to warn them 'never trust a man whose eyebrows meet in the middle' or pinch them and see if they're real.

Why, what quick hands you have.
Yes, all the better to write with my dear.