Norman the Moogachu

I know I've been away for a milion years, but I've been trying to sort out some stuff emotionally and haven't really had the time.
Here is a stupid story for you.

Once upon a time there was a big thing called a Moogachu.
His name was Norman. Norman the Moogachu.
Norman the Moogachu lived far away in the Kingdom of Kingdom Number Six And A Quarter. It was the sixth one you see. They like to name them in orders ike that, otherwise folk get confused. The quarter is because the King got greedy and nicked a bit from Kingdom Number Five.
Norman was the size of a small caravan and covered in marshmallows. His favourite colour was grey, because he was colour blind. His favourite phrase was 'This is more ridiculous than fifty coat pegs'. I don't know why.

This is his story.

One day, the King sent a Mick the tiny giant to Norman the Moogachu's house (which was compiled of socks and bits of flint) with a summons. It was three in the morning and the Mick the tiny giant broke down the door. Norman was tired and annoyed.

"The King wants to see you right now!" said Mick.

"This is more ridiculous than fifty coat pegs!" grumbled Norman in his Moogachu voice (which sounds a lot like an angry duck), "I was dreaming about a sandwich. I haven't had a sandwich since the Cheese Grater War in oh six. That's been a million years. Do you know how long that is to go without a sandwich you tiny big whippercruncher??"

Mick wasn't listening, he had just picked up Norman and taken him to the castle, which was three tiny giant steps away (which is six regular people steps, ten if you have small feet). Norman had ranted away like no Muvva's business.
In the castle, Mick the tiny giant dropped Norman in front of the king and stomped off, knocking himself out on a doorframe because of a distinct lack of hand eye coordination.

"...And radishes, I haven't had a radish flavoured melon ever! You can't get the because everyone hates them. They taste like peanuts, peanuts! I ask you..."

The king threw his crown at Norman and he stopped ranting.

"Shut up!" he shouted, "I am the king. I am law and bits of earth and sky yer moron. I have had you abducted for a very important reason!"

"Better be more important than fifty coat pegs. They're just ridiculous." Norman mumbled.

"Silence woman!" The king yelled. "I need my porridge and can't leave my daughter alone because she likes to burn things. Look after her, you filthy strumpet."

And so the king lumbered off to get his nutritious and delicious dirt porridge, and Norman the Moogachu was left with the princess, who looked at him with amusement.

"Got a lighter?" she said.

"No," said Norman. "I don't have hands whch means I can't hold small things."

It was true. He didn't have hands. It was quite a sight.
Norman's marshmallows went pink (not that he'd know), because the princess was very very pretty. The mad glint in her eye was particularly fetching, as well as the maniacal grin she was sporting. He also very much liked her fried egg earrings.

The princess did not go pink, she instead sat on the floor and sang a song about animals.

"I am a giraffe, I am a laugh
I am giraffe, I have a staff (bom bom)
I am giraffe, I need a bath
I am giraffe, please have a jaff-er cake,"

and so on. There were many other verses concerning a spider, a pengun and a dolphin. Norman listened, enchanted by the princess' whimsical singing voice. Soon it became too much for him.

"Will you marry me?" he asked her.

The princess stopped singing and laughed like a pirate on Helium.

"Christ, no! You're the size of a small caravan and are covered in marshmallows. What kind of future could we have?"

"I can give you never ending snacks," said Norman.

The princess thought about it whilst drawing a charcoal moustache on her face (she had magicked up a pencil from thin air).

"Christ, no!" she said after a hour of deliberation. "I just remembered I'm allergic to marshmallows. They make me puff up like a water filled corpse."

So Norman was denied the joys of marriage to a criminally insane princess. When the king returned he had Norman shot out of a cannon for proposing to his mentally fragile daugter. He now lives in Benidorm (where he landed) with a chicked called Magnet.

Before I go, I ask that you don't try and find him (if you're ever in Benidorm), he has restraining orders against everybody. Even me and I wrote the damn story. Most of the information provided here is from a dubious source at best. I had to do hideous things to worms to get this tale to you folks. I'm technically banned from the planet now. I'm breaking the law for your entertainment, I hope you're happy.

The end.